So, I realized today that it has been a REALLY REALLY long time since I have posted on our adoption blog. The past 8 months have been a crazy roller coaster ride for me. I have dealt with some depression and anxiety issues, some self-worth issues, health issues, and some other personal issues. Thanks to a loving and supportive husband, the power of the priesthood, and my Savior, I have made it through and am better for it. I am stronger and more sure of the love my Heaven'y Father has for me and for all His children.
Did you know that you are loved? You are loved more than you will ever know. You are loved for just who you are. You don't have to be someone different. You don't have to look a certain way or act a certain way for Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ to love you. They love you unconditionally, no matter what. They love you for where you are at and for what you can become. Oftentimes, I think we get caught up in the trappings of life and try to fit the "mold" of what a successful, happy person is and when we don't meet that "standard", we beat ourselves up. We have got to stop doing this!!!!! We don't have to be perfect! And who says that what Jenny down the street says or portrays as perfection and happiness really is? You don't know what inner struggles of her own she is hiding behind the "perfect" facade. President Henry B. Eyring, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, once said that if you treated everyone you meet like they were dealing with a harder trial than you were, most of the time you would be right.
That sister that you see at church whose kids are wearing perfectly pressed clothing and their hair is perfectly coiffed? She may be dealing with financial issues, depression, marital issues, or a chronic illness That woman that seems to talk to everyone and seems so outgoing? She may be dealing with loneliness and just wants a real friend to really care about her. Mother Theresa wisely said that when you judge people, you don't have time to love them.
Now, I am guilty of this. I tend to "size a person up" and decide what they are like after the first meeting or two. This is something I work on frequently and that my Heavenly Father helps me with constantly. That is one thing I have learned in these past 8 months is that there are sweet caring, loving, people out there that don't fit the "mold" of what life should look like. AND THAT'S OKAY!! In fact, that's GREAT!!! We need diversity! The problem becomes even more prevalent when we judge ourselves from that same mold. To be honest, most of my struggles (besides wacky hormones and only seeing my husband on weekends) were because I don't fit the typical mold that I want to fit in.
I am not a stay-at-home mom. DO I want to be? More than anything in the world! Are we working toward that goal? Yes! But for now, we have the best of both worlds. I work 7 a.m. to 2 p.m. while my husband works 2:30 p.m. to 11:00 p.m. Do I miss my husband and time together as a family? Yes! Do I miss being able to take an evening off during the week to have a girl's night? Yes! But how blessed are we that Aaron gets to spend one-on-one time with our amazing 3 1/2 year old son EVERY DAY! Aaron is such an amazing father and has such a strong bond with Miles. That bond would not be as strong if we fit the "mold" I have in my head of the perfect family.
I am 33 years old and only have one child. My "mold" said that I should have 3 or 4 children by the time I was 30. I was going to be done having kids by then. In a way, I achieved that goal because Miles was born a few months before I turned 30. I won't PHYSICALLY have any more children. This wasn't how I pictured things going.
But that is OKAY!!!!!!!! I am actually very grateful that my life didn't fit into the mold that I had for myself and my family. I would have missed out on some of the most amazing and purifying moments of my life. I would not be the mother or wife that I am today without what we have gone through. I would not be as close to my Savior had my life fit into that perfect mold that I wanted.
I was watching the sunrise from work the other morning (yes, I am up that early). It was an amazing sunrise. The sky was a violet blue with orange and pink clouds. I recalled a sunrise devotional I went to as a youth while at a girl's camp. The speaker asked us to look at the sunrise and tell her why it was beautiful. WE threw out all different ideas. She then posed the question "If you took the clouds away, would it be as pretty?" It is the clouds that make a sunrise or a sunset so beautiful. This is like our lives. The clouds are our trials and weaknesses. Without them our lives would be a bit boring and not nearly as beautiful as it could be.
So, be thankful for the clouds. Embrace the things in your life that thrust you from how you pictured your life. Heavenly Father knows you and loves you. He wants what is best for you. He is helping you become the person you are supposed to become. Life will be hard. It will not go how you expect it to. That is okay. Love life. Enjoy it. And love all those around you as they live their very different lives. Do not judge them or yourself. Remember you are loved.
Those are the things I have learned through my 8 month hiatus from this blog.
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