The "LOOK FOR THE GOOD" Challenge

Aaron and I have been together for 11 years.  Because of our schedules (which are as blessing because we have never had to have daycare for Miles) we only really see each other on weekends. While we were dating, our schedules were the same. I remember leaving love notes on his car while he was at work.  Or on my way to work in the morning, I would put a note on his car then.  Just to let him know I was thinking about him.  Just to let him know I cared.  When was the last time I left my husband a love note?  When did I stop looking for little ways to show him how much he means to me?  When did I let only “holidays” dictate when I expressed my love.  Why has 11 years and a son changed how we were?

 

When you first fall in love, it is EASY to go the extra mile. Because it’s such a new feeling, it’s fun to share.  After a while, the newness wears off and I think we take it for granted that our significant other knows how we feel.  I know I am a very practical person and often don’t think beyond  my to-dos to see where I can reach out again.

 

Aaron means the world to me!  He has been there for me through thick and thin.  He was there supporting me when I suffered some debilitating health issues.  He has been there by my side through infertility.  He has stood by me when I felt like a failure.  He has been loving and compassionate when I’ve not been very loveable.  He has encouraged me when I have felt that I don’t matter to God, or to anyone.  He stayed by my side when I told him to leave me to find another woman that could “give” him children.  He loves me: unconditionally, passionately, tenderly, healingly.  He is my rock.  I know that no matter what my mood is or how I treat him, he will love me and cherish me anyway.  And I love him the same way.  He is my breath. He is my joy.  He is my stability. He is my calm in the storm. 

 

But how often do I tell him those things?  How often do I take the time to notice all the things he does for me and thank him for being him? For doing the laundry and dishes? For being such an AMAZING father? 

 

It’s time to go back to our courting days.  It’s time for each and every one of us to look at our partner and see the good!  It is so easy to focus on the negative. To see all the ways he/she annoys us.  Satan wants us to do that.  He does not want your family to be happy.  He does not want it to thrive.  The easiest way for him to break up a family is by negativity.  President Gordon B Hinckley, 15^th prophet of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, said “I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we ‘accentuate the positive.’ I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort.” (https://www.lds.org/new-era/2001/07/words-of-the-prophet-the-spirit-of-optimism?lang=eng)  As we cease to find fault with one another, we will open our eyes to the goodness of those we love.  This doesn’t only pertain to our relationship with our significant other, but with our children, our parents, our siblings…even our coworkers.

 

Now, this might sound Pollyanna-ish to you.  Maybe it is.  But try it.  Join me in an experiment.  The next time you see something that your spouse, child, parent does that annoys you…STOP. Immediately think of something positive about them.  For every negative thought you think, think of 2 positive things.  It will be hard to begin with, but I am confident that we can do it.  Then, take a moment to share that positive thing with that person.  It may be a note; it may be a text; it may be a phone call.  It may be a hug.  Whatever it is, make it a point to say it!  I am confident that it will strengthen your relationship with one another.  You will also be surprised at how quickly it rubs off.

 

Just like a bad mood and a negative attitude is contagious.  Have you heard the saying “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy?” Well, the opposite is true.  You will be amazed at how quickly the mood and atmosphere in your home changes.  You will be surprised at how quickly this becomes a habit and you become a more positive and loving person.

 

I’ll be honest, this is not an easy thing for me.  Growing up, I tended to be a lot more positive than I am now.  “Life” has taken its toll.  I have become a realist (that’s a nice way of saying I am often a negative Nancy!).  Just because life isn’t how we planned it, just because someone isn’t the person we thought they were,  doesn’t me that you have a pitiful life.  It just means you are human and you have a life that is just like the rest of us. 

 

Life is not just meant to be endured; it is meant to be enjoyed. So, let’s do it together.  Let’s ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE and strengthen our relationships in the process.

Spiritual Snapshot: PRAYER

Aaron and I teach the 4 and 5 year olds at church. Every Sunday is a new adventure. This Sunday, the lesson is on PRAYER. As I read the lesson it got me thinking about prayer and the effect it has had on my life in just the past couple of weeks.

This week I received a very distinct answer to prayer. My job had become a source of depression and stress for me. I wasn’t happy. The uncertainty due to restructuring and added responsibilities due to staff reduction measures was turning me into a not-so-happy person. However, I felt stuck. I have been very blessed to be able to work an almost full time schedule that is opposite of Aaron’s. Miles has always been with one of us. This truly has been a huge blessing and it is not something that I was or am willing to compromise. This makes finding a new job very difficult. Most employers want part-time (no more than 20 hours a week) or full time. There is not much that falls in the 30 hours a week category.

So I prayed. I prayed that Aaron would find a job that would make enough money that I wouldn’t have to work. I prayed that my essential oil business would take off and out of the blue start making enough to replace my income so I could stay home. What I didn’t pray for at the time was to find another career opportunity that would fit our schedule and salary requirements.

Well, prayer is a funny thing. In the Bible Dictionary of the King James Version of the Holy Bible that is published by the LDS church you find the following under PRAYER: “Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant but that are made conditional on our asking for them.” Of course being a stay-at-home mom is Heavenly Father’s will, right? My desires were righteous. I wanted nothing more than to be able to walk out of my current position one day into full-time mommy-hood. 

Well, it is really hard to know what our Heavenly Father’s will for our lives is. Our desires may be good. They may be righteous. But it may not be what He has in store for us. I started becoming even more depressed and started questioning the power of my faith. If I had enough faith, I wouldn’t have to work anymore. My prayer would be answered.

It took a really bad week at work for me to reevaluate my outlook. Heavenly Father put it into my heart at that time that I was asking for the wrong thing. It was time to start looking for another job. This wasn’t my ultimate goal, but my unhappiness was affecting my family life and my ability to be a mother. I had to do something. So I started applying for jobs.

 Out of the blue, a former coworker contacted me about a position that she thought I would be perfect for. It didn’t sound like it would work for me, but I sent her my resume to forward on to her friend who was looking. I went for a first interview and came away disappointed because it was a large decrease in pay as well as hours. I knew it wasn’t something we could do. The next day, the lady I interviewed with called and wanted to schedule an interview with the Executive Vice President (my former coworker’s friend). I told her that while I appreciated their interest, I just couldn’t make it work financially. She said that there may be some wiggle room if I was willing to compromise as well. She stated several times that Mr. Smith (name has been changed) really wanted to meet with me. So I agreed to meet with him in 2 days.

Those next two days were filled with prayer. But this time, it was me praying to understand Heavenly Father’s will; Asking for help in moving forward; Asking for guidance about this new opportunity. Long story short, I was offered the position for the salary and the hours that I needed. There was no hesitation in accepting their offer. Especially when he said the words “Family comes first in everything we do around here.” If I have to work, this is who I want to work for. The position is one that I am super excited about. I get to utilize a lot of skills and training that has lain dormant for a while. I get to do a job that involves where my heart lies and that I can be passionate about—almost as passionate as being a mommy.

Our Heavenly Father knows us. He hears our prayers and He answers them. The answers may not come in the way we expect or think we deserve or want…but they do come. I am so grateful for that knowledge. It is so easy to get discouraged when we feel like we are not being heard. This example is just one of many. But he does hear me. He loves me. And if I listen, my will slowly becomes swallowed up in His and I become closer to Him, and closer to my Savior.

What an amazing blessing prayer is!