Aaron and I have been together for 11 years. Because of our schedules (which are as blessing because we have never had to have daycare for Miles) we only really see each other on weekends. While we were dating, our schedules were the same. I remember leaving love notes on his car while he was at work. Or on my way to work in the morning, I would put a note on his car then. Just to let him know I was thinking about him. Just to let him know I cared. When was the last time I left my husband a love note? When did I stop looking for little ways to show him how much he means to me? When did I let only “holidays” dictate when I expressed my love. Why has 11 years and a son changed how we were?
When you first fall in love, it is EASY to go the extra mile. Because it’s such a new feeling, it’s fun to share. After a while, the newness wears off and I think we take it for granted that our significant other knows how we feel. I know I am a very practical person and often don’t think beyond my to-dos to see where I can reach out again.
Aaron means the world to me! He has been there for me through thick and thin. He was there supporting me when I suffered some debilitating health issues. He has been there by my side through infertility. He has stood by me when I felt like a failure. He has been loving and compassionate when I’ve not been very loveable. He has encouraged me when I have felt that I don’t matter to God, or to anyone. He stayed by my side when I told him to leave me to find another woman that could “give” him children. He loves me: unconditionally, passionately, tenderly, healingly. He is my rock. I know that no matter what my mood is or how I treat him, he will love me and cherish me anyway. And I love him the same way. He is my breath. He is my joy. He is my stability. He is my calm in the storm.
But how often do I tell him those things? How often do I take the time to notice all the things he does for me and thank him for being him? For doing the laundry and dishes? For being such an AMAZING father?
It’s time to go back to our courting days. It’s time for each and every one of us to look at our partner and see the good! It is so easy to focus on the negative. To see all the ways he/she annoys us. Satan wants us to do that. He does not want your family to be happy. He does not want it to thrive. The easiest way for him to break up a family is by negativity. President Gordon B Hinckley, 15th prophet of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, said “I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we ‘accentuate the positive.’ I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort.” (https://www.lds.org/new-era/2001/07/words-of-the-prophet-the-spirit-of-optimism?lang=eng) As we cease to find fault with one another, we will open our eyes to the goodness of those we love. This doesn’t only pertain to our relationship with our significant other, but with our children, our parents, our siblings…even our coworkers.
Now, this might sound Pollyanna-ish to you. Maybe it is. But try it. Join me in an experiment. The next time you see something that your spouse, child, parent does that annoys you…STOP. Immediately think of something positive about them. For every negative thought you think, think of 2 positive things. It will be hard to begin with, but I am confident that we can do it. Then, take a moment to share that positive thing with that person. It may be a note; it may be a text; it may be a phone call. It may be a hug. Whatever it is, make it a point to say it! I am confident that it will strengthen your relationship with one another. You will also be surprised at how quickly it rubs off.
Just like a bad mood and a negative attitude is contagious. Have you heard the saying “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy?” Well, the opposite is true. You will be amazed at how quickly the mood and atmosphere in your home changes. You will be surprised at how quickly this becomes a habit and you become a more positive and loving person.
I’ll be honest, this is not an easy thing for me. Growing up, I tended to be a lot more positive than I am now. “Life” has taken its toll. I have become a realist (that’s a nice way of saying I am often a negative Nancy!). Just because life isn’t how we planned it, just because someone isn’t the person we thought they were, doesn’t me that you have a pitiful life. It just means you are human and you have a life that is just like the rest of us.
Life is not just meant to be endured; it is meant to be enjoyed. So, let’s do it together. Let’s ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE and strengthen our relationships in the process.
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